Passages

Noted CNN host and crazy person Lou Dobbs has announced his immediate retirement from CNN.
"Over the past six months, it has become increasingly clear that strong winds of change have begun buffeting this country and affecting all of us," Dobbs said during his Wednesday broadcast. "And some leaders in media, politics and business have been urging me to go beyond the role here at CNN and to engage in constructive problem-solving as well as to contribute positively to a better understanding of the great issues of our day and to continue to do so in the most honest and direct language possible."

"And so today I announce my intention to finally apprehend the menace that has made a mockery of Our Broken Borders. Frito Bandito, your days are numbered!"