Crabby New Year to you!

Shouty!

Foulard HATES lifestyle manifestos!   Foulard likes people who quietly do exactly want they want to without having to stick it on their wall or share their trite, generic, middle class lifestyle tips with others.

The "manifesto"  above has apparently been circulating on "the internets" for a while.  I've seen a lot of similar things in blogs like Apartment Therapy--people with trendy apartments/condos often have some sort of quaint print on their wall that says something like "LOVE EVERY MOMENT OF LIFE." in an archaic/industrial typeface.  They're really just a reincarnation of this oldie, from the Jonathan Livingston Seagull/Listen to the Warm/Love Is era:

Pros: Not in ALL CAPS
Cons: Looks like it was hand-written by hobbits

I don't have an issue with new year's resolutions, and I really don't have a problem with being self-aware and self-determinitive.  The thing I like most is to be doing what I want to do (while being a nice person, of course).  The thing I hate is anyone telling me what to do or think--and these "prescription for happiness" things do just that.  It's like being hectored by a bullying hippie or someone who's just tumbled out of an EST retreat*.

*or Tom Cruise

Grow up, kids!

Is anyone else tired of seeing those dumb Guy Fawkes/V for Vendetta masks in all the photos of Occupy Wall Street etc. demonstrations?

I get it--you're a mysterious masked avenger striking fear into the heart of the corporations/fascist government etc.  Can't you pick something new?  Maybe something that's not from an overrated comic book turned into an overrrated movie starring Natalie Portman...expand your cultural literacy, posturing boy-men! (and girls)

Double Whammy

Finally, a product that combines two of my most-hated things: beanies and hipster beards.

Kindle Fire

Because superhero movies are that much better when they're six inches wide.

Dept. of Not Trying Hard Enough

I haven't seen one picture where the young guy has his
collar buttoned--surely he doesn't show up
to work this way? Oh, wait--he's a rebel!

There's a new-ish BBC drama called "The Hour" now airing on TV in the US.  It's their attempt to get in on the Mad Men retro-vibe (we're also going to get the US efforts "Pan Am" and "The Playboy Club" this fall--I give them about six weeks).  I'm the perfect audience for something set in that time period, since I know a lot about it and find it endlessly fascinating, but I'm also the worst audience for a present-day writer, production designer, actors, etc., since I can get very distracted spotting all the anachronisms.

I tried to give this one a chance last week, but it lost me about five minutes in.

Here's a description of the show's premise:

A spy thriller needs a spine as stiff as James Bond's martini to nickname a character Moneypenny. BBC America's retro-hip “The Hour” — which airs at 10 p.m. Wednesdays — certainly has the nerve, and occasionally even the punch to back it up.

Set in a BBC newsroom in 1956 — more excuse than necessary to doll itself up like a “Mad Men” theme party — “The Hour” doesn't improve on its obvious inspirations.

It deserves points, however, for knowing how to pick them: A show-within-the-show is called “The Man Who Knew,” as if adding “Too Much” would be exactly that.

The show is a tasty cocktail of “Front Page” repartee, soap opera romance, murder mystery and Cold War intrigue, all set to a score that sounds like Henry Mancini warming up for “The Pink Panther.”

The six-part series stars Ben Whishaw as Freddie Lyon, a talented, hotheaded BBC writer working alongside his beautiful, ambitious producer Bel Rowley (Romola Garai).

He calls her Moneypenny, after the flirtatious secretary in the Bond films. She calls him James, and together they dream of Important Journalism. 

There's a big stinking anachronism right there--and one that apparently gets repeated frequently--the Freddie/Bel James/Moneypenny nickname thing is super el-wrongo.  While Ian Fleming had been writing the 007 books since 1953 (3 or 4 of them published by 1956), the whole Miss Moneypenny routine isn't in them--it started in the first film, Dr. No, in 1962. (It also seems like a cheap shortcut to spelling out the relationship these two characters have with each other.)  It may sound over-picky, but to me it indicates that the writer wasn't that interested in dipping her toes too deeply into any real research, and the whole thing is going to be a kind of glib pseudo-historical cartoon--like a 1970s TV-movie about the forties, with guys with blow-dried hair.  

I initially (way back in 1997) watched Mad Men with this jaundiced eye, but found that they rarely let these kinds of boners (no, I mean it like this) get by, and then I got really caught up in the show, because it's good, and Matthew Weiner and company are actually trying.  Historical accuracy has traditionally not been a hallmark of movies and TV (and every other medium of fiction), but there seems to be a trend toward making an effort in that regard.

The trick with writing historical fiction is really caring about getting into the time period (and the way people interacted and spoke to each other--it's not only about trivial details).  If you're not interested in doing the work, you should stick to things you've actually experienced.

Cheesy historical smoldering

Apparently everybody was deadly serious and very sexy at all times back then...

Rockin' Out in the Napoleonic Wars

Last night I started watching the first movie in the Sharpe TV series of the 1990s.  It stars Sean (Boromir) Bean as a lower-class soldier in the British Army who gets a field promotion to Lieutenant while the Duke of Wellington is battling with Napoleon's armies in Europe.  It was enjoyable, and I think somewhat historically accurate, but there's one choice the producers made that rankles for me.

10 minutes of my life in Microsoft Paint produced this

 Part of the soundtrack includes a rockin' mainstream 90s electric guitar, which sounds so anachronistic that it almost takes me all the way out of the circa 1809 setting.  I've heard guitar on period films before (I'm thinking of Ennio Morricone's scores for sixties Spaghetti Westerns) and not been bothered by it, but in this case, it really doesn't work for me.

This is social conditioning based on 40+ years of watching movies, where everything is artificial, but there are conventions which are usually obeyed.  And it's not as bad as anachronisms in dialogue, or hair, or clothing, etc.  It's more of an aesthetic choice.  It wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't hate hearing the sound of 80s-90s mainstream music!

Despite that, I liked it (the episode, that is)!

Potlucks and Me

You may think it un-American of me, but I really don't like potluck dinners or parties.  We're now in the holiday potluck season, and I'm doing my best to dodge attending any.

Here's why I avoid them:

• I don't want to eat food that other people have made, unless I know it's going to be good.  I have friends who are good cooks, and I'm very happy to eat anything they will give me.  I like anything that Beebo prepares, and I like food that I (rarely) cook.  I really like eating at restaurants and taverns.  But I don't really like eating food that someone in the office made.  Baked goods are fine, but I don't want any casserole or anyone's 'great tabbouleh'.   There's something kind of icky about it for me, since I'm a picky eater.
• I don't like eating at parties, sitting on a couch or standing with a paper plate in my hand.  Eating and hobnobbing don't mix for me.  
• I don't like being expected to provide food for a work party.  I think it's weird that non-private sector employers feel comfortable expecting employees to provide for food for a a party that's supposed to be a treat for them (it's usually a different story if you work for some commercial enterprise).  Especially if it's a party that happens after work hours!  I appreciate that there's not really free money floating around when you work for a non-profit or a university/state office, but it kind of sucks the fun out of it.  Even worse is if you work in an office that expects you to pony up money for a work party (it happens)!
• In general, I think that if you send out a party invitation, the invitee should be welcome to show up empty-handed without fear of judgment.  I think bringing a bottle of wine or some special thing you've whipped up or purchased is a cool and appropriate reaction, but if there's a price of admission...it's not really a party. [Exception: parties given by young, poor people are always BYOB]
• Since I don't drive, it's a pain to schlep food to a party.  Pot lucks are for people who have cars!  And after the party, you always have to schlep some crusty serving dish home.  Ecch!  Worse, there's often pressure to help clean up after the 'party', so you have to deal with all the dishes you didn't want to eat in the first place.

Summary (for people in a hurry): 1. I don't like potluck food 2. I think cheap-o office parties are lame.

Why so sad?

Is it because you just paid $56 for a t-shirt?

Mad Men walk-on contest weirdness

Banana Republic is having a photo contest for a walk-on role on the next season of Mad Men. Contestants submit their photos and then people vote for them online. I was tempted to do this, but I'm too lazy and too shy for it. I was perusing the entries, and they seem to me to be divided into three categories:

Authentic

Look--she made an effort--not just the outfit, but the whole room. Kudos!

Why bother?

What the hell? An iPhone, a Girl's Basketball t-shirt, a bland, smug expression in the bathroom mirror plus inadvertently giving me the finger do NOT deserve a walk-on! BOO! You suck!

I'm a Freak

I feel queasy looking at this guy's photo, much less posting in on my blog. This picture says "I am a lunatic who wants to be on TV. What show is this for again?"

Just Wondering

How does anyone watch a movie on a laptop (unless they're stuck somewhere, like on a long plane ride)?

 Artist's depiction

I just don't get it.  I keep reading comments on blogs like this one: http://www.unplggd.com/ from people who insist that they watch all their TV on their laptop or desktop computers.  Isn't the picture too small, especially for more than one person to watch?  And how do you get in a comfortable position to sit still and watch anything that long?  I can't watch anything on my PC for longer than five minutes. 

Don't get me started about watching TV on an iPhone!

Walking

Yesterday, I called our insurance company about switching our apartment insurance to the new place (since we're responsible grown-ups, we have apartment insurance these days), and after being asked a bunch of building infrastructure questions I didn't know the answers to (Knob and Tube, or Romex?), the agent said she noticed that they weren't insuring "our car". Of course, we don't have a car, and have never had one.

The lady I talked to seemed to have a hard time understanding how you could get by without one, an opinion shared by about 90% of people in the U.S. It was funny when she said "So, do you just...stay around...where you live?"

The answer, is yes, sort of, but we live in the middle of the city, and most things we ever need are within walking distance, so we don't need to get in a car to do any normal activities. And I think the thing that most people don't realize is that they're not going to great, otherwise-inaccessible places in their vehicles most of the time. If I'm not driving to a big suburban shopping center or eating at a chain restaurant off the highway, isn't that a good thing? Most people don't really use their cars to (as Beebo says) "go into nature" and get away from overdeveloped cities and suburbs. They just spend a lot of time on highways and in giant parking lots. And I have a feeling that if I did have a car, I would restlessly get in it and drive extra miles to do shopping, just because I felt like I could.

Getting back to my conversation with the insurance lady--the funny thing about living in 2010 in Seattle, rather than 1992, is that people now feel compelled to congratulate you for your small carbon-footprint lifestyle, since people have gotten the message about all that ecology stuff (thanks Al!). Under the surface, however, I know they're still thinking "I would hate to have to live that way!" But the woman from St*te F*rm did talk to me (she was chatty) about her brother, who had moved to a neighborhood in town and hardly ever used his car anymore, choosing to walk and take the bus. He'd lost weight and was in better shape than before, and he loved his new routine. Which I guess indicates that more people are changing their minds.

I think the test to see if you're truly a walker is: do you walk to get places, or just as a recreational exercise? If you think of it as a valid means of transportation, then you're a real walker in my book.

Fish Sauce

We went to sign the lease and get the keys for our new apartment last night. Afterward, we walked to dinner at a Thai restaurant a block or so from the new abode. For the first 20 or so minutes of our meal, I was distracted by a guy at the next table. As we sat down, he was tasting the dish he'd just been brought, and was insistent that it contained fish sauce, which was apparently abhorrent to him. I don't know if he was a full-on vegetarian, or just had an intense aversion to fish sauce. His girlfriend said she couldn't taste it in hers, but he made the waiter take back both dishes. Then he spent the next 15 minutes standing back in front of the kitchen window arguing with the manager, saying "So you were watching them the whole time, and you know they didn't put any fish sauce in it?". It was more relaxing when they finally left!

The anxiety of phone coverage

Here is a phone doodle I did while taking a call on my office's main public line. Answering that line is like Russian roulette--you never know what you're gonna get.

Lazy, lazy TMZ.com

Crappy gossip site TMZ has a photo feature called "All Growed Up", which is basically a 'what do they look like now' photo gallery of old TV stars from the 70s-90s. What irks me is the title--it fits if you're showing what some kid from an old sitcom looks like, but I often see something like this:


Ann B. Davis -- all growed up? She was all growed up 40 years ago, when The Brady Bunch was originally on TV. Can't TMZ at least come up with another header like:

"ALL OLD AND STUFF! CLICK TO SEE"?

Enjoy your tickets, jerks!

State Patrol warns:
Tickets on cell phones begin June 10, no exceptions

By SCOTT SUNDE
SEATTLEPI.COM STAFF

The Washington State Patrol warned Friday that drivers who text or talk on a hand-held cell phone should expect a ticket on June 10.

No excuses accepted. Tickets will be handed out.

And if you are convicted, expect a $124 fine.

The State Patrol often has a grace period when a new law takes effect, but not with this one.

"Drivers have already had nearly two years to adjust their driving habits," said State Patrol Chief John R. Batiste said in a news release. "We will fully enforce this law from day one."

At 12:01 a.m. June 10, texting while driving or failure to use a hands-free device becomes a primary offense.

Driving while texting or using a hands-held phone took effect two years ago. But violations were a secondary offense.

Officers had to see another violation, such as speeding, to make a stop.

The law didn't do much to keep people from texting while driving or chatting on a hands-held phone at the wheel.

"They would look right at our troopers with phones held to their ears," Batiste said. "They knew that without another violation we couldn't do anything."

Since the law went into effect in 2008, the State Patrol has written 3,000 tickets for it and handed out 5,900 warnings.

The State Patrol says there are probably more accidents that occur when drivers are on the phone than they are willing to admit.

"Few drivers are going to admit they were on a cell phone, or texting, after a crash," Batiste said. "We are choosing to take action before a collision occurs in hopes of preventing these needless tragedies."

Louie and Michael, the repetitive racers

On this season of The Amazing Race, there are very few contestants that I actually like. Other than 'The Cowboys', my feelings range from indifference to active dislike--which is fine, because I don't care as much about who wins. Two contestants who have been working their way over from neutrality to hostility for me are Michael and Louie, the police detectives from Providence, R.I. In addition to their less-jovial-than-advertised personalities, I have found Michael's limited repertoire of catchphrases extremely grating. Here's a summary:

Louie, as you can see, is not the big talker of the duo. You could play a drinking game based upon waiting for one of Michael's little phrases--as Beebo pointed out, it's like waiting for the expressions 'fairy tale', 'princess' and 'falling in love' on The Bachelor.

Inaccurate History in Copywriting, Part 43

"Dude, I'm smokin' through this ad copy"

Revue Retro 210 Eyeglasses

Model: 210

Product ID: 4071250002450732c199

Description:

It was the late 1970's and Andy Warhol dominated the New York art scene. Millions were learning the "twist" from James Brown. These vintage glasses were all the rage in that era, with the thick, cartoon-like rims.

I have no idea what era they're supposed to be talking about here, unless this is on some alternate Earth. I won't even do a point-by-point on this because just about every 'fact' is wrong. Yikes!

Here's another one that I found in my kitchen, courtesy of Morton Salt:


1933
In the post-Depression years from 1933 to 1941, jazz was king. And as it reigned, our little girl kept pouring.

I think a lot of people would have liked to have known the depression was over in 1933! It would have saved them a lot of trouble with joblessness and hunger. Also, saying "Jazz is King" has a distinctly 'roaring twenties', Gatsby-esque tone.

Poorly-written copy and wrong history are two of my big pet peeves (out of many), so these blurbs really get my goat.

Know your Christian Militia

Aren't they a charming bunch?

This combo of eight photos provided by the U.S. Marshals Service on Monday March 29, 2010 shows from top left, David Brian Stone Sr., 44, of Clayton, Mich,; David Brian Stone Jr. of Adrian, Mich,; Jacob Ward, 33, of Huron, Ohio; Tina Mae Stone and bottom row from left, Michael David Meeks, 40, of Manchester, Mich,; Kristopher T. Sickles, 27, of Sandusky, Ohio; Joshua John Clough, 28, of Blissfield, Mich.; and Thomas William Piatek, 46, of Whiting, Ind.,. Nine suspects tied to Hutaree, a Christian militia that was preparing for the Antichrist were charged with conspiring to kill police officers, then kill scores more by attacking a funeral using homemade bombs, federal prosecutors said Monday.

(AP Photo/U.S. Marshall)

Gilding the Lily

Some recipes are classic, and should just be recognized and appreciated as classics. But there's always someone out there that wants to make something "better", and then ends up ruining it. One classic that gets ruined more often than not these days is the Caesar salad, which was invented in 1924 by chef Caesar Cardini. Unless you're eating at a good restaurant, you're in peril of getting no anchovies, getting the dressing "on the side", and worst of all, sometimes being offered exclusively the option of getting a "Chicken Caesar Salad".

This attempt to load a bunch of protein on it and make it an adequate office drone's lunch ruins the basic simplicity and appeal of the salad. Hey, if I want chicken, I'll order it--I don't need a clammy, bland chicken breast need to be thrown on everything I eat.

Other cases of overloading classics include:

• Chocolate chocolate-chip cookies--where's the treat of biting into the chip if the whole damn cookie is chocolate?
• Chocolate cheesecake--Isn't part of the appeal of the cheesecake the somewhat sour taste of the cream cheese? (Again) Why drown it in chocolate?
• I also feel this way putting a big blob of whipped cream on pecan and pumpkin pies, though I'm probably in the minority there.

Do you have any similar food pet peeves?