Knock Knock Joke I made up

It goes like this:

"A man traveling backwards through time."

"Who's there?"

"Knock-Knock."

Kindle Fire

Because superhero movies are that much better when they're six inches wide.

The internet, 15 years ago

The other day, I was telling Beebo about how Google managed to kill every other  search engine when it came along in 1998, due to its competence in working, something which had been sorely lacking in the previous engines. The story below is illustrative of what a different world it was back then:

Browser Deals Push Netscape Stock Up 7.8%

TECH WATCH

April 01, 1996|

From Times Staff and Wire Reports

Netscape Communications Corp. shares rose 7.8% Friday amid expectations that agreements with five Internet search companies will boost the software maker's revenue. Netscape shares rose $3 to $41.50 on Nasdaq after trading as high as $42.50.

Netscape, maker of the most popular Internet browser software, agreed to feature Excite Inc., Infoseek Corp., Lycos Inc., the McKinley Group Inc. and Yahoo! Inc. on its browser and World Wide Web page.

The five companies, which make software that helps people choose sites they like on the Internet global computer network, are expected to pay as much as $5 million each, for a total of $25 million, to Netscape, industry executives said.

News of the agreements, concluded March 20, began to trickle out early last week. "Perhaps people are just beginning to realize now what this means for us," Netscape spokesman Jennifer O'Mahony said in explaining the stock gain.

Yahoo!, Excite, Infoseek and McKinley [what is this?] each said they agreed to pay $5 million for a one-year agreement with Netscape. Lycos officials declined to comment.

Of course, Netscape (as Netscape) is no more.  It's odd that a search engine would need to pay a browser for prominent placement -- but the rules were different then.  Nobody knew (pre-Google) how to find anything on the internet.  Hence the brief period of books being published telling you what websites were hot.  Now that would seem really pointless and temporal.

Ted McGinley is ready

Foulard's Technology Yeses and Noses

I'm a habitual reader of the blog Unplggd, which is a tech-related offshoot of the Apartment Therapy blog.  Like many "professional" blogs, it's basically about shopping, and like many Americans, I get a thrill out of clever little techy gadgets.  It's interesting to get a picture of the world its editors and contributors live in:  Everyone is a professional urbanite, with dough to toss around on nifty little must-haves.  Of course it's 99.99% Mac-centric, because of the cool factor involved there--owning a PC has as much caché as being a regular churchgoer or a member of the military in a large city.

Also, oddly to me, owning a laptop computer is de rigeur--apparently everyone in Uplggd-land is a free-lancer who travels a lot and spends hours doing their biz in coffee shops.  In my world, I spend 40 hours a week sitting at a desk in an office, and then I walk home and wake the home PC up and turn it off when I go to bed, then wake it up again at 6:15 am for an hour or so.  But I never feel the need to have a computer between work and home, because I'm either walking, shopping, eating, or meeting friends for beer/cocktails.  It would be weird/awkward to whip it out to check my email or browse to keep myself amused.

Anyway (Part 2 of this post begins here), I have discovered that I'm out of step with what I'm supposed to be doing, cutting-edge-wise, even though I'm not a luddite at all (and only superficially 'off the grid').  So here's a list:

Foulard Eschews:
Laptop computers (except for the mini one we have for occasional vacations, which I enjoyed having in Waikiki last week).
Facebook--feels like the internet equivalent of going back to high school combined with living in a basement apartment with no curtains and walking around naked all the time. Completely horrifying to me.
Twitter--I can't even figure out how to read these.  Definitely too old for this!
Streaming movies and TV shows instead of watching them on  DVD--am I the only one who doesn't think the picture looks good enough most of the time?  That's really the #1 thing for me when I watch.  I can only do the streaming thing when I don't care, or it's allegedly hi-def.
Cell Phones--this is the biggy, and the one that inspired this post.  I have occasionally felt pleasure at having mine in certain rare circumstances, but basically, it's just a bill I hate paying.  My usage level is the equivalent of buying a large pizza and eating half a slice. I'm planning to downgrade as soon as my contract expires. 
Paying money to download individual media (video and music)--I just feel ripped off doing this.  It bothers me more than paying three bucks at the video store to rent a crappy VHS did in the dark ages.
Kindle (for now)--I really like physical books, but I don't mind the idea of an e-reader.  However, I don't want to pay as much or more to read a book on it--which is the way it seems to be going.  Along with the previous topic, it just feels like a scheme cooked up to charge physical content prices for an intangible.  Why pay Amazon for something they don't have to keep in a warehouse and mail to me?

Foulard Embraces:
Super-High Speed Internet--Boy, do I love it.  I like running the speed test to see just how fast it is, and get grumpy if it doesn't read out as 'Excellent'.
High-Def cable TV with hundreds of channels--I keep reading on line about 'I canceled my cable--now we just stream everything through my [laptop or streaming device]', but I think it's fun just to have all the channels and stuff there all the time, in the old-school manner.
Free downloads--I LOVE downloading old, out-of-print music online for free.  I can be as obscure in my tastes as I want, without having to act like a dumb consumer (how commercial downloading makes me feel).  I have thousands of hours of music on my PC--music that's only interesting to a tiny handful of people.
Big flat-screen TV, DVDs, Blu-Ray, etc.--As a visual person, I get really fixated on detail and clarity (and proper aspect ratios, of course), and these things allow me to enjoy movies and old TV shows in the most perfect possible manner.  I have no nostalgia for old CRT TVs with their 480i  resolutions, and clunky, fuzzy videotapes. See also this post.
Writing a blog -- at least when I'm in the mood. [insert wry emoticon here]

I'm leaving out all the middle-american technology I don't engage with: cars, microwave ovens, clothes made of 'fleece'.  This list is just my answer to trendy-style rhetorical questions like 'Does anyone use a PC/Desktop any more?' and 'Do you still have cable TV?'.  I see consumer tech as a varied bag of tricks--just grab the ones that work for you and leave the rest behind.  Come to think of, most of my friends do too, which is the difference between reality and what you read in blogs that make lame statements about what constitutes 'normal' use of technology.

Do you want to know what the time is?

Computers and Martinis

One thing you can say about evil 1970s supercomputers: They know their martini preparation.

In the good-bad 1970 film, Colossus: the Forbin Project, Dr. Forbin (Eric Braeden) is being held prisoner by his creation (Colossus), and has to trick it into letting his secretary visit him, by lying to the computer and saying she's his girlfriend. She's allowed to visit him, conjugally, as long as she takes all her clothes off to make sure she's not sneaking anything in (or that's your story anyway, right, Colossus?). In the guise as Forbin's lady, she makes him a martini. But the computer is watching her carefully! Earlier, Dr. Forbin had explained his vermouth method (pour a large quantity of it over the cubes to 'rinse' them, and then drain it out before adding the gin). Fortunately, the secretary is hip to this, and passes the test.

The best part is in the earlier scene, when Colossus texts THAT IS TOO MUCH VERMOUTH to Forbin.

In the bad-bad 1977 film Demon Seed, super-computer whiz Dr. Anderson (Fritz Weaver) has programmed his house to do everything by spoken instructions, which is not a good idea if it stops listening to you (as it does). In an early scene, however, he gets home from work and requests 'the usual', which turns out to be a martini that he compliments as 'perfect'. I had to wonder how much time he spent creating a robot arm that can spear an olive with a toothpick, though!

Most Horrifying PSA Ever

This series, Protect and Survive, never actually aired in the UK, but was held until the event of a nuclear incident. I think if I saw this one ('Casualties'), I'd really feel it was all over.

Mars

I'm not against trying to go to Mars. I mean, why not? I say, let's go there and feed all the starving people in the world. It doesn't have to be an either/or, does it?

I would be a lot more excited if there was a guarantee of giant monsters, or at least the ruins of a dead civilization. But as everyone knows, all the sexy space maidens are on Venus.

The greatest science fiction film of all time

Watch it and tell me what you think. I'll just be sitting here waiting. See you in 90 minutes!

Don't Get It Twisted!

These action figures from the S*T*A*R Team toy series (1977) are in no way intended to resemble Darth Vader, R2-D2, or C-3PO. Any confusion on your part is not the fault of Ideal Toys Inc.!

Charlton Heston: Astronaut, philosopher

Are you prepared for Y2.01K?

Y2.01K Checklist for survival

The year 2010 bug arose from the fact that most old mainframe computers from the early 2000s still running keep track only of the last three digits of the year. The computer assumes the first three digits are 2 and 0 and 0. To the computer, 2009 is just 9. That means the computer will interpret 10 not as 2010 but as 2000, throwing the date calculation off by 10 years.

Because it is impossible to foresee exactly what problems will have to be dealt with at the turn of the decade, the American Red Cross has developed a checklist to help everyone handle Y2.01K in the best fashion possible:

Because many types of electrical equipment have embedded chips in them that control vital operations, the American Red Cross suggests that you first "check with manufacturers of any essential computer-controlled electronic equipment in your home to see if that equipment may be affected." This includes garage door openers, electronic locks, consumer electronics, security and fire systems, appliances and programmable thermostats.

If the equipment will be affected, it should be dealt with according to the manufacturer's instructions. The second thing the organization suggests is to stock disaster supplies for yourself and all who live with you. This will include nonperishable foods and water as well as an adequate supply of non-prescription and prescription drugs that you and your household regularly use.

"At least a gallon [approximately 4 -liters] of water per person per day to drink and a gallon per person per day for hygienic purposes should be stored," suggested Christopher -Thomas, a spokesperson for the American Red Cross.

Because computer systems may fail at banks, the American Red Cross suggests that you keep extra cash on hand as well in a safe place. "Withdraw your money from your bank in small amounts well in advance of 12/31/09 to avoid long lines at the bank at the last minute," the Red Cross said.

A few days or so before 12/31/09, the American Red Cross also suggests filling your gas tank. However, you should keep in mind that your car may have embedded chips that control vital functions such as power brakes, power steering, electronic fuel injection and other functions.

In case power fails in your area, the American Red Cross says that it would be wise to have alternative cooking methods planned. However, "We recommend you don't use camp stoves inside the house because this is how many fires start," Thomas said.

If power goes out, so may the heat. Having extra blankets, coats, hats, gloves and other articles of warm clothing will be a must since the Y2.01K problem will happen during the heart of the winter season. If lights go out due to power failures, flashlights--not candles--should be used for lighting purposes. Make sure you have a good supply of fresh batteries as well.

Last but not least, the American Red Cross asks that you check with local emergency service providers to see if more information is available on how your community will be handling the Y2.01K problem. No matter how serious Y2.01K may be, Thomas believes that everyone should be prepared. "We have to be prepared for the possibility (of a disaster)," said Thomas. "And the American Red Cross--though hoping for the best--is prepared for the worst."

Economy Makes Startling Rebound

As you may remember, See's Candies™ stopped selling the Gift of Elegance™, which experts determined was a sure sign that the U.S. economy was "in the crapper". Well, happy days are here again! The Gift of Elegance™ has returned!:

Voting Machines, part two

Regular "Foulard" reader Stephanie lives in the only state where the old-fashioned voting machine is still used, as far as I can tell.

"In this New Yorker magazine cover from 1956, election officials tally votes registered on the counters visible on the back of a gear-and-lever voting machine. These machines were last manufactured in 1985 and remain in statewide use in Louisiana and New York. They are being phased out under the Help America Vote Act of 2002, which provides aid to states to acquire new voting equipment."

http://americanhistory.si.edu/vote/votingmachine.html

But it looks like today's election is the last for the New York voting machines:
http://aplfriends.blogspot.com/2009/10/loss-of-lever-voting.html
Here in Seattle, we've finally gone over to mail-only voting. Last year's presidential election was the final time Beebo and I got to go to the polls. But Beebo's name wasn't on the list, so she got a provisional ballot--which was a lame way to go out!

Note to Self

Take Beebo to Dollywood one of these days...

World's worst battle cry

Or maybe it's the universe's worst...it's been stuck in my head for about 28 years.

Just a few more days...

..'til these guys and gals return.

And now, a message from the American Chemistry Council™

Hi, I'm Baggy™! I'm here with an important message about your basic rights as an American. Some very mean people are trying to take away your right to get all the free bags you want, without any charge. What a ridiculous idea! What are you supposed to do, PAY for a bag, or use the same one over and over again? EWWW!

In these lean economic times™, hard-working families don't need the extra financial burden of having to pay extra just to carry their groceries home. It's not like you can buy a reusable bag for 99 cents. The technology just isn't there.

So please, please, vote against the anti-bag amendment. I'll be glad you did.

Remember, being "politically correct" is temporary, but a bag is forever.™

Relaxing Space Music

...to help you think cool thoughts.